May 11, 1992

Charlie had been spending entire days with Patrick now. They both needed each other, for someone to talk to about everything, and just for company in general. One day after they had been drinking and talking all day, Patrick was dropping Charlie off and kissed him. Charlie didn't stop him. It's not like he liked it, or was attracted to Patrick in anyway at all, but he thought it was being a good friend. After they had kissed Charlie stayed in Patrick's truck while he cried and talked about him and Brad, and Charlie let him. There was no silence or awkwardness, it was just two friends talking at this point while Charlie just listened to Patrick, which is a trait both of them have a hard time finding in people.

May 8, 1992

Charlie got in a fight today, his first real fight. He helped Patrick when he was getting beat up five on one by Brad and four others from the football team. Brad had called Patrick a "faggot" to look cool in front of his team and to try and hide everything that had happened. Brads father caught him with Patrick and beat Brad so bad that he was out of school for a week, which is why the whole fight took place. Brad didn't want anyone in the school to think he was gay, even though it was true. Charlie took down two of the guys on the team and threatened everyone else until they knew to stop. He finally made his friends back, Sam, Patrick, and Mary Elizabeth. He stopped smoking so much pot and started hanging out with Patrick and Sam a lot again. Charlie was very lonely and depressed up until this point. He longed for company, from anyone. He has nobody to talk to or hang out with, he was alone everywhere he went. Having his friends back flipped his life back to "normal" again, as normal as things get for him anyway.

April 26, 1992

Charlie is under a lot of pressure during the time he wrote this entry. He kissed Sam, instead of Mary Elizabeth, while she was at the same party as them. He said he did this because the dare was "kiss the prettiest girl in the room" and he didn't want to lie. Charlie thinks of things way too in depth. He feels bad about things he cannot help. He hates that his friends aren't speaking to him because of the kiss, he hates that he has to see a psychiatrist and take the medicine that he is prescribed by the psychiatrist because it is too expensive for his father, he feels bad about everything. He was so stressed out that he took his Easter money and bought pot with it, and smoked it alone during Spring break. This is easy to relate to for some people i'm sure. There are many stories where people turn to drugs to handle depression or stress because they do not know what else to turn to. This entry made me worry about Charlie as if I knew him, like he was a friend of mine and I didn't want to see him fall into the wrong path.

February 23, 1992

Charlies first date and dance wasn't as exciting as he hoped it would be, and he doesn't think he can see himself ever going on another date with Mary Elizabeth even though she asked him to and he said yes. Charlie's sister left the dance, and he found her in the basement of their home crying. Charlie found out she was pregnant that night and her boyfriend broke up with her as soon as she told him. This is so disgusting to read. Many people do that today, run away from their problems and try to avoid them. Charlie is going to the clinic with his sister the following week. The only nice part about this entry was that Charlie's sister opened up and finally really talked to Charlie and trusted him and showed him she really did love him, regardless of how she acts sometimes.

February 15, 1992

Charlie has his first date to the school dance with a girl named Mary Elizabeth. He wishes it was with Sam, but her date is her boyfriend Craig. Charlie is still in love with Sam, but continues to just act as "normal" with her as possible because he knows the rules and how she feels. Charlie has a lot of questions about what to do and how to act on his first date. I think this relates to many teenagers today. There is always a nervousness the first time you are around someone, the continuous questioning about whether or not you are acting in the right way. He is very excited for his date and the dance, even though it is not with Sam.

December 30, 1991

Charlies entry on this date is all about why he gets so upset on his birthday every year. Why he had to go see a doctor and was kept out of school for a very long time, and why he hates the holidays every year and can't wait for them to be over. His Aunt Helen moved in with his family after she had left an abusive relationship and was sober for a good amount of time. She was the only other person not in his immediate family that bought him two presents, one for his birthday and one for Christmas. He was born on Christmas Eve. Charlie loved his Aunt Helen more then anyone in the family did. The last thing she said to him was that she was going to buy his birthday present, the morning of his birthday. She had gotten into a bad car accident and died that day. Charlie can't deal with the pain every year thinking that it was his fault. This entry was extremely sad to read. Especially the part where he blames himself for her death because that is a very common thing and no one should ever feel that way.

"First Kiss"

Charlie finally got his first kiss on December 23, right before Christmas. His first kiss was the girl he is in love with, Sam. But they can never be together and he knows that. Sam loves him as well, just not really in the same way. She wanted to make sure his first kiss was with someone who loved him, so she kissed him. The way he loves her isn't like most high school boys, he sincerely loves her, everything about her. It is clear that this kiss and that whole night will never be forgotten for Charlie.

Social Acceptance

This book goes by diary entries, not chapters. In one of the diary entries, Charlie, the main character, talks about how his friend Patrick shares feelings with the quarter back on the football team at their school, Brad. Brad is so embarrassed and doesn't want people to know, that he has a "girlfriend" and starts drinking and smoking before school everyday so that he doesn't have to deal with the guilt or embarrassment. This is because of the pressures of society. People shouldn't be embarrassed of their personal preferences and they shouldn't have to suffer to deal with the pressures.